When I sat down to write this post, I thought I knew what I was writing.
I was wrong.
Which is fine, of course, except it is Sunday evening, and what I realize I need to write about is uncomfortable, if not slightly embarrassing.
So, here it is: I’m struggling to find my purpose for writing. And I think (I’m still working this out with the Lord) at my very core, I fear I’m losing my voice and that I’ll be forgotten.
For SEVEN years, I wrote about Homeschooling on The Pioneer Woman’s blog, a blog with millions of readers – readers who watched, read, commented and supported our family’s homeschooling choice.
It was a great adventure.
I knew my mission.
I knew my voice.
My writing purpose was clear.
And then, it wasn’t.
The Pioneer Woman’s blog recently shifted its design and focus, which I believe makes sense for Ree’s brand (so please don’t read me saying otherwise). She archived the Homeschooling section, along with a couple of the other sections, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that this shift shook my world.
Was I ready to move on and write about something other than Homeschooling?
Yes…
and, no.
Yes, because I now have one high school graduate, one high school sophomore, and one eighth-grader. The two still in school are resourceful learners and need me much less. By default, I was no longer in the same place as many of my readers who were just starting to homeschool. I guess I had started to outgrow the topic.
No, because I had not – have not – worked out exactly what my purpose for writing is now.
And by exactly, I mean have no clue.
Yes, I did find a full-time job – and for that I’m thankful. It’s different than how I’ve worked for the past fifteen years, though. It has been an enormous adjustment. Nothing there is personal; it’s the opposite. There, my “purpose” and “voice” are assigned weekly based on the company goals – that’s just the nature of the work.
And before I go too much farther, I don’t want you to think I’m struggling to find my value or worth.
That’s entirely different, and I’m not.
I know who I am. I am a lover of Christ Jesus, and by His grace, I’m completely secure and at peace with my value and worth as HIS child.
What I fear is not understanding the “What now?”
What I fear is not having a voice after years of having a voice.
What I fear is getting lost in the vastness of the internet and being forgotten.
They are valid fears. Prideful, probably. Self-centered, likely. But hey, that’s why I started this post by admitting this is an uncomfortable topic and embarrassing.
Every day, I ask for direction in my prayer journal.
I ask for the “What now?” I mentioned earlier.
It’s not clear yet.
In my Ladies Bible Study at church, we’re working through Sheila Walsh’s “The Storm Inside.” In this week’s lesson, we delve into the few glimpses the Bible gives us about Mary Magdelene, a woman who faithfully followed Jesus after He saved her from demon possession (Luke 8:1-3).
One of the lesson questions asked, “In your own life, what do you need to leave behind to Jesus’ healing touch in order to step forward in bold faith?”
I’m working on that question now because I’ll tell you one thing; I do not want anything to hold me back from stepping forward in bold faith.
What about you?
It’s a personal question, I know. But I promise you if you write your answer to that question in the comments, or send it to me via email, I will pray for you.
I’ll write a prayer just for you in my prayer journal – lifting your name up to the One who casts out all fears and heals all wounds. It’s the most powerful way I’ve learned to pray yet.
And I’d love it if you’d pray for me too.
Because I want to leave behind my fear, trusting He will answer in His perfect timing. And specifically, that whatever the answers are, I can rest in them – praising Him and singing, it is well with my soul.
Blessings, y’all.
